The Fear Of Falling Apart
by bigheroptv
Summary: The two wireless operators, Harold Bride and Jack Phillips get invited to join the captain for dinner with the first class passengers and some crew. They go and Ismay gets drunk and angry. With no where to put that anger, he takes it out on the younger wireless operator. Little does anyone know it triggers a memory so he runs, but no one can find him, until someone does...


The two wireless operators were in their cabin, Harold working the key and Jack just sitting next to him, reading something when someone knocked on the door. First Officer Murdoch came in and smiled

"hello boys, the captain has invited you two to join him, Mr. Andrews, Mr. Ismay, and some of the first class passengers for dinner. If you don't have any formal attire you can go in your work uniforms" he tipped his hat and left. Jack rolled his eyes

"Ismay will be drunk, the Captain will boast about the boat, and the passengers will talk about how RICH they are" he sighed. Harold laughed and took off the headset

"what about Andrews?"

"Only met him once"

"He's really nice" Harold smiled "I got lost and he helped me find my way back and we talked about how he might speak to the White Star Line to keep us on Titanic even though we work for Marconi" Jack's eyes widened

"Really?!"

"It was supposed to be a secret..." He put the headset back on and continued working while Jack smiled widely, going back to his book

*+*+*+*+Dinner+*+*+*+*+

Harold and Jack walked into the First Class Dining Room and looked around in awe. Jack was excited while Harold was on the brink of a panic attack. He apparently spaced out for too long because Jack shook his shoulder

"you ok Harry?" Harold just nodded. Jack went to say something when they were interrupted

"there are my two favorite wireless operators!" The captain walked up and shook their hands, talking with them as he led them to the table. They got there and everyone sat down. Jack and Harold sitting next to each other with Mrs. Molly Brown next to Harold and Mr. Andrews next to Jack. From there, they started to eat.

Anyone even passing by the tables could tell the difference between the two. While Jack was answering any question thrown and engaging in conversations, Bride was quiet and if any question was asked towards him it would be a quiet but rambled response. Mrs Molly Brown turned to him with a slight smile

"so are you really shy, sonny?"

"kind of, yes ma'am" He whispered

"It's Molly, no need for casualties. Afraid of them judging you?"

"a lot, yes"

"It'll be fine, really. The only judgmental person at this table is Ismay and he's too drunk to remember why he judged you. You'll be fine. Open up a little" She smiled, patted his leg, then rejoined the conversation. Jack looked over to see Harold smiling a bit but it fell when Ismay started to talk to him

"so I haven't heard a word from you... Jar...?"

"It's Harold, sir"

"Harold, ok. So why are you on this ship?"

"To help Mr. Phillips with the communication, sir"

"But why both of you? Having only one officer would be so much cheaper" Jack looked at Ismay with the worst glare and everyone was shocked

"I haven't thought about that, sir"

"Well you should. One person is enough and I don't even know why we wasted our money on something useless" Harold's face dropped dramatically but only Jack noticed. A couple of the first class ladies gasped and Molly joined Jack with the death glare

"Mr. Ismay I think that's enough, you are drunk" Mr. Andrews cut in but that just enraged Ismay. He slammed his fist on the table, making the silverware chatter

"You do not have the right to tell me what to do!" He yelled and at this point the music stopped and everyone was staring at Ismay. He got up, stumbling and grabbed the collar of Harold's shirt, dragging him up from the table and in doing so slightly was choking Harold. The Captain, Jack and a couple officers got up and tried to pull him off

"DON'T TOUCH ME" He yelled and Harold winced. Mr Ismay glared at Harold menacingly

"Mr. Bride, is it? If you belonged anywhere on this ship, it would be and class below steerage. You are worthless and a waste of money and I don't know why you're on this ship. Which is why, as the president of the White Star Line, if you are to ever be asked to work for a White Star Line ship, I hope you say no because if you don't I will personally throw you off the side of the ship myself, you understand? This business is all about money and I can't have them hire a Marconi officer that is worthless and... whats the word... nevermind! But do you understand" All Harold could do was nod and Ismay let him go. Harold fell to the floor, gasping for air. His vision was blurred and he couldn't focus

"Harold, are you okay?" He heard Mr. Andrews ask. He nodded and as his vision cleared he saw everyone staring at him. Ismay was gone and the passengers at our table were standing up, staring at him. His breathing got worse so he shot up and ran out. Ran from everyone. Ran from everything. Tears were rushing down his face and he was glad no one was on the decks at all. He wasn't paying attention so he didn't know where he was running until he hit the rail along the stern. He let it go and crossed his arms over the rail, crying into his arms

_worthless_

_useless_

What is Ismay was right? what if he really was useless and worthless? He was loosing his mind. He wanted the voices in his head to stop but they wouldn't

He looked up and fully realized he was at the stern. He looked around and saw not one soul. He sighed and looked down at the water and saw how far the drop was. He looked around again and when he saw no one, again, he slowly slid over the rail. He didn't stand up, he just sat on the rail but was ready to let go. He didn't care if he died from exposure or from the height.

_He just wanted to die_

He closed his eyes and sighed softly, letting go

He felt a pulling motion and realized he wasn't falling. He was laying on the deck in someones arms. Not thinking clearly, he reached for the rail again but someone pulled him away from the rail. He finally looked up and saw Jack and Mr. Andrews, both frowning sympathetically.

"Harold, why?" Jack asked and Harold just started crying again. Jack brought him to his chest and rocked him back and forth

"I'll inform the captain we found him. Should I tell him about...?"

"If you think it's appropriate" Jack said and smiled "Thank you sir"

"Not a problem" He smiled, patted Harold's back, and walked off. Jack sighed and went back to the situation at hand

"Harold, please talk to me? Why? Was it Ismay?" Harold just nodded and sobbed harder. Jack has seen him cry before, but not this bad

"Did you have a panic attack?" Harold nodded again and Jack sat him up and held his shoulders

"Harold, if you want to do this again please tell me so I can talk you out of it. This isn't ok. We are supposed to work together now, remember what you and Mr. Andrews talked about?"

"B-But Ismay s-sa-"

"who cares what Ismay said he was too drunk and he won't remember this by tomorrow. Please, don't be afraid to talk to me. We're best mates, right? I don't know what would happen if you died. I would not be myself anymore so please...don't do it" Harold looked up and Jack's heart almost broke. It's not bad enough Harold had a somewhat babyish adorable face but with his eyes filled with tears and his bottom lip quivering makes Jack wonder how Harold is even 22.

"I-I'll try, Jack"

"Thank you, wanna head back to the cabin?" Harold nodded and Jack helped him up and they started walking back when Mr. Andrews and the Captain ran towards them

"Are you ok Mr. Bride?" the captain asked

"Of course sir, I'm better now" he smiled a genuine smile and the captain nodded

"I'm deeply sorry he said that to you. I will have him apologize in the morning, but for now I have an officer in there manning the key. He's not as good as you two but you both need sleep. I will see you two in the morning" he shook their hands and walked off. Andrews smiled softly

"I got a telegram from the White Star Line and they agreed to what I said. You guys are staying on this ship no matter what Ismay says" He smiled and Harold visibly looked better with that news

"Thank you sir!"

"no problem. Now go get some sleep, you'll need it" he smiled and left. Jack looked at Harold and threw his arm around his shoulder

"we're on the Titanic together! Now there's no way you can get rid of me now!" Harold laughed and melted in his grip, sighing softly

"tired?"

"very" He yawned, his eyes half open. Next thing he knew he was getting picked up

"Ja-"

"shh, go to sleep" He smiled softly as he carried Bride Bridal style. **im so lame kill me pls** Harold shrugged and closed his eyes, trying to sleep. Jack smiled softly when he thought he was asleep. They got back to the cabin and Jack laid Harold in his bunk. Reluctantly, because he didn't want to wake him up, he kissed his forehead

"I love you Harold. If only you knew that" He whispered and went to his bunk, falling asleep.

Harold wasn't asleep, he was awake the whole time and in shock. He loved Jack. He sat in his bunk for a while debating what to do. He finally decided to go for it. He slowly climbed down to the bottom bunk where Jack was sleeping and laid down next to him, giggling. Jack was a heavy sleeper but any time Harold woke him up he woke up instantly. Jack blinked and saw Harold

"Harry, whats wrong?"

"nothing" he blushed and snuggled into Jack. Jack was shocked but hugged him tight, smiling widely. The smile was wiped off by none other than Harold's lips. He was even more shocked but so was Harold. He didn't think he could do it. After a couple minutes, they pulled away and Jack smiled widely

"I love you"

"I love you to, Jack" Harold smiled softly and they held each other tight, Harold snuggled to Jack's chest and Jacks arm wrapped around Harold's waist like he'd fly away any second. They fell asleep and slept soundly


End file.
